Leading in these times isn’t easy. You’re expected to be relatable yet reliable, compassionate yet competent, and authentic yet professional. You have to do all of this in an environment where global upheaval, economic uncertainty, and technological changes are creating widespread anxiety. And perhaps you, on occasion, have some stressors in your own work and personal life to navigate?
Masking emotions at work is both exhausting and counterproductive. Acting as though everything is fine when it’s clearly not creates an environment of toxic positivity, erodes trust, and makes it harder for others to be honest. It’s also not healthy. As noted in Psychology Today, suppressing our emotions puts us at higher risk of heart disease and hypertension, and causes us to “feel less socially connected and satisfied with [our] friends [and] more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.”
Of course, we also don’t want to swing too far the other way. Oversharing can leave colleagues uncomfortable, reshape how others judge us, or place emotional burdens on the very people we’re supposed to support.
It’s important to find ways to be our authentic selves at work, and to do it in a way that is professional and sustainable. Here are three ideas that can help you strike that balance.
1. Model, Don’t Vent
One leader found herself facing an all-staff call with thousands of employees the day after their city faced a mass violence event. At first, she tried to grit through it, sticking to her agenda and talking points. Eventually, though, she realized how inauthentic it felt not to acknowledge the horrors they had all witnessed. She paused, took a breath, and allowed a few tears. Then she shared from the heart how difficult it was to see their community under attack, how much the staff meant to her, and how grateful she was for their service.
It was a rare moment of rawness for her—and it landed. Her inbox was flooded afterward with thank-you notes from staff who appreciated her honesty and humanity.
What made this effective? She modeled vulnerability without slipping into venting. She displayed honest emotion, but without asking her staff to manage that emotion for her.
It’s one thing to say, “It’s been a tough week, and I may be slower to respond.” It’s another to launch into the details of your family drama in a team meeting. One builds trust; the other may leave colleagues uncomfortable and can call on your employees to provide emotional support that is not part of their job description but which they may not feel able to decline.
2. Use Shared Language
One helpful way to facilitate honesty without oversharing is to develop a team vernacular around well-being—a shared language around that allows individuals to signal what they’re feeling without going into detail that they may not be comfortable sharing. These shorthand tools facilitate conversations on mental health and make it easier for people to be open without requiring them to go into specifics.
I’ve seen teams use a traffic light analogy, a numeric check-in, or a weather report (“it’s been nothing but storms this week”). On one team that was entirely remote, the manager sent everyone a toy cat (an inside joke on the team) that anyone could place so that it was visible on their Zoom screen when they were having a hard day, as a quick, visible indicator that they might need a little extra support that day.
One manager was glad that his team had developed this shared understanding on a day when his child’s school went on lockdown. He said to his team, “I’m a 2 today, unfortunately; I may need some help keeping things on track.” That allowed him to say what he needed to without having to go into detail while he was still uncertain and anxious. Later, when he learned that everything was okay, he was grateful that he hadn’t had to discuss his fears in real time.
3. Find Your People
Being authentic doesn’t mean being transparent with everyone. In fact, trying to share openly in an unsafe space can backfire. But you do need places where you can process your emotions, including at work. For leaders, that often means cultivating a small circle of trusted peers or mentors who can serve as sounding boards.
Look for people who understand your context but aren’t directly affected by your decisions—colleagues in other departments, peers at your level in different organizations, or professional networks outside your organization. The key is finding those who can hold your confidence, challenge your thinking, and offer empathy without judgment. It may take time to develop those relationships, but it’s worthwhile to invest in them, and to hold on tight to them once you’ve got them.
Gallup research shows that having a close friend at work boosts engagement, creativity, and performance. Building a trusted circle also protects you from isolation at the top and allows you to show up for your team with steadiness and clarity.
Authenticity at work doesn’t mean being raw with everyone. It means showing up in ways that build trust, connection, and resilience. Leaders who strike this balance protect their own well-being and create workplaces where others feel safe to do the same. That’s the kind of leadership that helps teams not just endure hard times, but thrive through them.