Your Leadership Style Won’t Manifest Itself — Here’s How to Find It

The moment you make your first hire, something happens: You become a leader. The question you have to answer for yourself is what kind of leader you want to be. 

When I launched Jotform in 2006, I had never worked as the head of a company. In fact, I’d never so much as managed a team. I had a background in computer science and an idea that was clearly marketable, neither of which did much to prepare me for what was to come. Should I rule with an iron fist, inspiring fear among my employees, à la Steve Jobs? Or should I emulate Warren Buffett, famously hands-off? 

Ultimately, I did neither. To be honest, it took me a few years to develop my own style, which itself was guided by my core belief that the recipe for a successful company is hiring good people and setting them up to succeed. I learned the power of being vulnerable with employees, which helped when it came to leading through the pandemic. I also learned that you don’t need to be a loud, charismatic extrovert to be a good leader — for me, quiet empathy was much more my style. 

If I could do one thing differently, though, it would be to begin to figure out who I was as a leader before I actually stepped into the role. Here’s what I know now that I didn’t know then.

Start with what you know about yourself 

Much of the existing leadership advice tells you to mimic other leaders. You should read their books, find an archetype and fit yourself into their mold. While I absolutely agree that it’s useful to study up on different approaches, I don’t think it’s true that you need to do what they do. Replicating the habits of others, especially if they don’t align with your natural instincts, rarely leads to success. 

Instead, think about who you are. How do you process information? Do you make better decisions alone or in a room full of people? When you’ve disagreed with someone in authority, did you say as much or let it go?

Identifying your innate tendencies early on is essential, because when running a business gets stressful — as it inevitably will — you want to understand your default settings. When a key employee quits, when a product launch fails or when you have to deliver bad news — these are the moments where who you are as a leader begins to solidify. 

Developing your leadership style — consciously

According to the sociolinguist Howard Giles, everyone has certain social markers that we use to relate to others, which determine how they perceive us. Each of our individual markers typically falls into one of two categories — powerful, characterized by traits like loudness, formality and unapologetic interruptions; and attractive, defined by traits like maintaining eye contact and focused listening. 

The best leaders tend to blend these categories and alter them as needed, write Suzanne J. Peterson, Robin Abramson and R.K. Stutman in Harvard Business Review. “Leaders often need to tweak their style multiple times in a day — sometimes in the course of a single situation,” they argue. 

Once you identify which traits come naturally to you, you can start to brush up on the ones that may be more awkward-feeling. For example, I’ll never forget the first time I had to fire an employee. I had received multiple complaints about her work conduct, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt time and again. I really wanted to believe that her issues were the result of a miscommunication or a disconnect that could be solved. 

But at the time, I was less than decisive about what I knew I had to do, even after the evidence made it undeniable. The truth is, I was scared — I didn’t want to have to be the bad guy; it didn’t come naturally to me. Over time, I learned that delivering unpleasant news doesn’t have to be mean or unfair, and that you can be kind but firm at the same time. It was a muscle I had to build, but it was necessary. 

The role of values

If you run your business for a long time, things are going to change. The market will change, your team will change and even your approach may change. What should remain fixed throughout will be your values. 

For me, I learned that people do their best work when they feel trusted. That conviction has been foundational, and applies to everything from hiring to dealing with mistakes. This has had various knock-on effects — I’ve been slower to let people go than others might’ve been, and more willing to let people fail. Sometimes those calls have worked out, but not always. 

Your values don’t have to look like mine. To figure out what matters to you, write down two or three things you’d refuse to compromise on as a leader, even if it costs you something. Then check your decisions against that list when the pressure is on.

You shouldn’t expect your leadership style to emerge fully-formed the moment you start hiring. It’s an iterative process that takes time. But it is important to do it consciously. Know yourself and your values, and make the effort to become the leader you want to be. I promise you it will be worth it.

The moment you make your first hire, something happens: You become a leader. The question you have to answer for yourself is what kind of leader you want to be. 

When I launched Jotform in 2006, I had never worked as the head of a company. In fact, I’d never so much as managed a team. I had a background in computer science and an idea that was clearly marketable, neither of which did much to prepare me for what was to come. Should I rule with an iron fist, inspiring fear among my employees, à la Steve Jobs? Or should I emulate Warren Buffett, famously hands-off? 

Ultimately, I did neither. To be honest, it took me a few years to develop my own style, which itself was guided by my core belief that the recipe for a successful company is hiring good people and setting them up to succeed. I learned the power of being vulnerable with employees, which helped when it came to leading through the pandemic. I also learned that you don’t need to be a loud, charismatic extrovert to be a good leader — for me, quiet empathy was much more my style.